Guests: Glenny Balls & Biz Nasty
Categories: 1 Song, 1 Person (Fiction or Nonfiction), 1 Landmark, 1 Food, 1 Misc.
A true red blooded, burger eating, beach going, American, Glenny Balls and a Canadian, Paul Bissonnette, join the Chicago guys for an everything America draft. Biz getting asked to be a guest for an American draft probably put his brain in pretzel but he came out of this thing with a solid board. Biz is one of my favorites at the Stool so it was awesome to listen to him on a draft. This draft was a bukakke of red white and blue and a perfect set up for July 4th.
Round 1
Pick 1: Chief, Football (Misc.)
Grade: Touchdown
Football is America’s sport. Baseball may be America’s pastime, but football now reigns supreme. This country goes bonkers for the ole pigskin. NFL Sunday may be the new church, but it has now become a 7 day a week sport. I do not think it is crazy to have football be the 1.1 representation for America if aliens land and all that’s left is the Dog Walk Draft 69 graphic.
Pick 2: WSD, Pizza (Food)
Grade: Large Pepperoni, Well Done
I understand why pizza can get that argument for Italian, but it is as American as it gets for food. Friday night family dinners, football sunday, basically any party, once a month at planet fitness. It is a staple of American gatherings. My home town has no less than, I don’t know, 100 pizza places. Pizza is very much a number 1 food in this country and WSD has a monster to build around.
Pick 3: Paul Bissonnette, Hollywood Sign (Landmark)
Grade: Paul Miss-The-Pick
I see where Biz heads at, and it is very true Americans are flat out obsessed with celebrities and fame, but the Hollywood Sign just misses the mark as a first round pick. I think it has its place in the top 5 for landmarks and will look awesome on the graphic but I think Biz can get this way later in the draft and not lead off with it.
Pick 4: Eddie, The American Flag (Misc.)
Grade: Grand Ole Pick
I’m sure everyone thinks of their flag as the best flag, but the American flag can go toe to toe with any other flying fabric. Having your first box on the graphic be the stars and stripes is going to play nicely. Great use of the misc. category.
Pick 5: Glenny, American Girl- Tom Petty (Song) VETO: BEER
Grade: Take it Easy, Baby
An amazing song by a favorite musician of mine and I could listen to it on repeat, but I do not know if that makes it a first round pick in an America draft. I don’t hear this song and think American just because the word American is in it. American Girl is going to be available later on, so I don’t care how good of list you think you have in the other categories, you do not have to reach in the 1st.
Round 1- The Chicago Guys jump out to a better start than the 2 guests. Biz and Balls picks are totally fine, but there was better stuff available and they will have some work to do.
Round 2
Pick 6: Glenny, Baseball (Misc.)
Grade: A Passed Pastime
You cannot argue with America’s Pastime going in the second round. It is a safe pick. But like Chief said with football, it is a passed by pastime. I will forever love baseball, but it has been surpassed by football and that is just a fact. Safe pick are not bad picks, but Glen needs back up his strategy of believing he can get his guys in the later rounds.
Pick 7: Eddie, America The Beautiful- Ray Charles (Song)
Grade: From Draft to Shining Draft
A song about America, that is also just a great song. America the beautiful is up lifting. It paints a picture of the beauty that embodies this country. Am I playing American Girl over America the Beautiful? Uh yea. But America the Beautiful is the better pick for this draft. American Flag and America the Beautiful are about American as you can get through 2 rounds.
Pick 8: Paul Bissonnette, Living In America- James Brown (Song)
Grade: Great Scene, Ok Pick
Good song, great scene, just tough to follow up America the Beautiful with another song. Biz is coming into this draft cold and working his way through it so not going to say either of these first two picks are bad but he definitely has work to do.
Pick 9: WSD, Statue of Liberty (Landmark)
Grade: BONK
Just kidding but I bet WSD would motor boat ole Lady Liberty if she told him to. The Statue of Liberty was high on my board for Landmarks and one that was absolutely getting drafted sooner rather than later. Real good pick by WSD.
Pick 10: Chief, Cheeseburger (Food) VETO: BBQ
Grade: 2X Cheeseburger Drafter
This is Chiefs second time drafting a cheeseburger and I think this one plays much much better. I love the effort to try and snag all of BBQ but settling for Cheeseburger was the smart play. You are BBQing there burgers and dogs on that grill and I want a burger 10 times out of 10. The main cheese that goes on burgers is American cheese, so what’s that tell you.
Round 2- Ed is clearly out in front after two rounds but the other 4 drafters are all right there. This draft is easy on the surface but with the depth and openness of the categories it’s actually pretty tough to plan it out over 5 rounds.
Round 3
Pick 11: Chief, Mount Rushmore (Landmark)
Grade: 4 Stars
Mt. Rushmore in the 3rd seems like a steal. There are a lot of landmarks but Mt. Rushmore was probably the first one that popped into my head when I saw the draft cats. I have never been, but it is fascinating and also the home to Richie Richs lab so that’s really cool.
Pick 12: WSD, Born in the USA- Bruce Springstein (Song)
Grade: Born to Draft (Not Really)
I wish Dave kept going on with his rendition. Absolutely ripped it. I thought it was Bruce for a second. Like Chiefs pick, third round seems like a steal for this jam. Where American Girl simply has American in it, Born in the USA is and American hit. Huge pick for WSDs board.
Pick 13: Paul Bissonnette, Hugh Hefner (Person)
Grade: Sex Sells
This is not only a great pick but is perfect for Biz. I could picture an alternate reality world with Biz Hefner. Biz Nasy just walking around in a robe slaying chicks all day, This is a unique person that I don’t think many people thought of but what a person to get Biz back on track in this draft.
Pick 14: Eddie, Hulk Hogan (Person)
Grade: Real American
The Hulkster is a home run pick. I was thinking a different route with people and the two off the board back to back have been such great picks. Hulkamania ruled. It really doesn’t get more American than Hogan.
Pick 15: Glenny, Hot Dog (Food)
Grade: Chicago Style
Glenny was set on closing this draft strong and this pick starts the momentum. WSD could have taken Hot Dogs 2nd overall and I would not have blinked so Hot Dogs to end the third round is amazing value. I said above I also go burger, which I do, but that does not mean a dog isn’t getting crushed at some point during a bbq too.
Round 3- Chief, WSD and Glenny got some big time picks in the third round. Picks that will very much factor into winning the draft. This was an awesome round overall to be honest. Biz and Ed went with out of the box people who will definitely play to the voters.
Round 4
Pick 16: Glenny, Lincoln Memorial (Landmark)
Grade: 16
Abe chillin in his chair is a very cool statue. Guy makes the list twice so outside of killing vamps he must have done something right. Glennys late draft push continues.
Pick 17: Eddie, Apple Pie (Food)
Grade: Warm, with a scoop of vanilla and a sprinkle of cinnamon
Baseball, Apple Pie and Chevrolet. Apple Pies on the open window sill. Sticking your dick in a warm dessert. That’s Americana baby. There is no argument.
Pick 18: Paul Bissonnette, S’Mores (Food)
Grade: S’more what?
What a pick by Biz. My head never went to S’mores but that is a huge pick for the food category. I may go as far as saying I have never really looked at S’mores as American but by god they are American as it gets. Biz has had back to back awesome picks.
Pick 19: WSD, The American Dream (Misc.)
Grade: Way to Go WSD
This is an impressive pick from WSD. First and foremost, it is just a good pick. But its also very different than other picks in the draft. This is a pick I would not expect to come from WSD but props to him. He is having a solid draft.
Pick 20: Chief, Party In The USA- Miley Cyrus (Music)
Grade: Noddin’ My Head, Like Yeah
Jam. Absolute jam. This is a very fun song and gets the people going. It makes me think of summer, sunshine, beers. It makes you feel good. That’s what a party is the USA does.
Round 4- This draft keeps getting stronger and stronger as the rounds go on. Another round where I loved every ones picks. People just making their boards stronger, you love to see it while drafting.
Round 5
Pick 21: Chief, Michael Jordan (Person)
Grade: GOAT
I think the other Chicago guys were made they didn’t take MJ so they lashed out because MJ in the 5th is not a crazy pick. Are there more American people out there? Sure. But he may be one of the most popular and successful Americans in the business so if you wait until the 5th round for your person and want to take MJ, all the power to you.
Pick 22: WSD, John F. Kennedy (Person)
Grade: Heads Up
All of them are dead. President. Bay of Pigs. All that shit. Really nothing else to say about the 22nd pick outside of that.
Pick 23: Paul Bissonnette, NASCAR (Misc.)
Grade: Shake & Bake
This may actually be more American than both football and baseball. Over 100K blue collar Americans flood to these races every weekend and live for this sport. There is motorsport racing everywhere and all different kinds of it but NASCAR is the red blooded American of the motor sport world. Sneaky awesome pick by Biz.
Pick 24: Eddie, Golden Gate Bridge (Landmark)
Grade: Everywhere you look
Bridges are wild. I don’t know how bridges are constructed. The Gold Gate is a BEAUTIFUL bridge. You are going to get a GGB flyover in every documentary on America. The fog setting over the water. GGB is a picturesque bridge and much more American, but the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel is the goat.
Pick 25(Mr. Irrelevant): Glenny, Forrest Gump (Person)
Grade: I Love You, Glenny
All of the people drafted I loved and Forrest caps that off. Another incredible out of the box pick. I love when someone nails a Mr. Irrelevant and Glenny did. He really did have a great final 3 rounds but we will see if it’ll be good enough to win him a draft.
Congrats to Chief on a well deserved win. Chief had a strong draft top to bottom and despite an impressive back half of the draft from the rest of the drafters, you just can’t beat football. Hope everyone deletes a whole bunch of great tasting less filling beers today and has themselves a hell of a 4th.
