The Chicago guys bring in a diva for the diva draft as Spittin’ Chiclets Ryan Whitney joins them for his first Dog Walk draft. Whit comes in guns blazing instantly calling out Red Ed, the slight discrepancies that seem to come draft after draft (that’s not coming from me, proof is in the pudding) and Chief for being the doormat of the draft. He also gives Carl love so Whit clearly is a listener and fan of the draft. Real recognize real. White Sox Dave using Whits millions as a chirp? Get a clue buddy, Whit played alongside Sidney Crosby, sending tape to tape passes and earned himself millions. Doesn’t mean he’s not a common man. He’s a common man with a massive bank account. WSD and Eddie tried to rattle Whit right off the bat but he wasn’t having it.
The guys had to draft one diva from each major sports league and a miscellaneous. Basketball and Football are deeper categories so I think hockey and baseball are important to nail. Hockey has one clear guy and after that its a crapshoot. Hockey guys are we not me. You don’t find many divas in a sport where the injuries are either Lower Body or Upper Body. The ringer category to win this draft is going to be miscellaneous….. After everyone says a bunch of numbers to get the draft order, which I still don’t understand, they landed on this.
Draft Order:
1-Ryan Whitney (first draft) 2- White Sox Dave 3- Carl 4- Eddie 5- Chief
My 1:1s in each cat:
NBA- Lebron MLB- ARod NHL- Sean Avery NFL- T.O. Misc.- Serena
ROUND 1-
Pick 1: Whit- Terrell Owens (NFL)
- Grade- Legend
It takes balls hopping on your first ever snake draft and taking the first overall pick but Whit came in shit talkin and backed it right up. Phenomenal first overall pick. T.O. is one of the first guys that popped in my head when I heard the topic. The driveway sit-ups alone have him in the diva HoF. That’s my quarterback presser. Cowboy logo celebration. What a start for the Whitdog.
Pick 2: WSD- Conor McGregor (Misc.)
- Grade- Self knockout
There is a difference between a Diva and a Showman. Part of the greatness of Conor is how good of a showman he is. His sport demands it of him. The more you promote your fights, the more money you make, and when you back it up with two belts, you become a showman. That doesn’t make Conor a diva. He does have Diva qualities. The bus incident, the bar punch, the retire/unretirement (although that’s part of the promotion), the outfits. He has some diva in him, but even close to second off the board.
Pick 3: Carl- Alex Rodriquez (MLB)
- Grade- Lead off HR
What do you know? Carl nails his first round pick and is off to the races to build another winning team. A-rod is the clear baseball number 1 and baseball is such a thin category you had to get him early. Carl has to be kissing himself in the mirror after this pick.
Pick 4: Eddie- Allen Iverson (NBA)
- Grade- Crossed Up
Divas Ed? Divas? We talkin about divas? NBA is a deep category so I see no need to go first round unless you are taking Lebron. I dont know what Ed was thinking here. AI didn’t really come to mind for me for the top NBA divas and I have no clue what he’s doing off the board in the first round. Practice clip is all time, but that doesn’t make him a first round diva.
Pick 5: Chief- Tom Brady (NFL)
- Grade- Kiss on the Lips
I think Brady is a great pick from the NFL category and is first round worthy. Pats fan love him so much they would never call him a diva, and he is absolutely a gamer in every way, but when you break Tom Brady down like Chief did he is a diva. His own diet, movie star and model baby mamas, trainer drama, very much into his fashion and his hair, totally in control of his WR core. Brady is a diva.
Round 1- Whit and Carl took the clear first rounders. Chief didn’t have to go Brady here because he was on the wrap. Same thing he did last draft. Take someone from a different league, the best NFL player was already taken this round. Use TB as your second round lead off. I don’t like Dave’s pick but Conor moves the needle so it doesn’t totally hurt him. Eds first round pick just isn’t good.
ROUND 2-
Pick 6: Chief- Kyrie Irving (NBA)
- Grade- Splash
Although I don’t think Kyrie is the best NBA pick available, when you take recency bias into account, you can’t argue him as your basketball pick. The past few years, and even just the last few weeks, Kyrie has been the ultimate diva. He learned from the best during his time in Cleveland and ever since he was left to spread his wings on his own he has shined being a diva. Even turned on the Chosen Diva. Nice 1–2 from Chief. Still think he should have flip flopped.
Pick 7: Eddie- Odell Beckham Jr. (NFL)
- Grade- Boat Party
Awesome bounce back pick from Ed here. OBJ is the current active King Diva in the NFL. He is disruptive on the sidelines when things aren’t going well. The Giants boat trip is just a textbook Diva move. Handing out cash to LSU players. All his dancing and off field shenanigans are because he wants all eyes on him. Ed got back on track with this pick.
Pick 8: Carl- Sean Avery (NHL)
- Grade- A+
Avery was the only NHL guy I could truly think of. He is the clear 1.1 in this category and after that the picks become a stretch so I think the guy who took him had the best chance to have the most well rounded team. Couldn’t be less surprised Carl was the guy to do it. Avery could have gone first round because the NHL is so thin so getting him in the 8 spot is a huge win. Get out of the bike lane, Carls coming through.
Pick 9: WSD- Lebron James (NBA)
- Grade- Track down block.
Unreal 2nd round value here for WSD. Lebron may be the best to ever do it, but he checks every single diva box known to man. He is so hateable despite the good he does and his skills on the court. To me Lebron was the number 1 NBA diva, not to say Chiefs Kai Irving pick wasn’t good. Great pick Dave.
Pick 10: Whit- Kevin Durant (NBA)
- Grade- Does Whit have a burner?
I don’t love this pick here. KD may have some bitch traits like Whit said, but I don’t think he’s a diva at all. I think Whit got blindsided by WSD taking Lebron. Whit thought he had his guy Lebron fall to him in the 2nd round but he got the rug pulled out from under him. I thought Whit would nail the NBA category and he air balled. KD meshed right in in Golden State and got his rings and seems like a good teammate. The burners make him more soft than a diva. Disappointed by Whit here.
Round 2- Everyone but Whit had a strong second round. Eddie and WSD couldn’t afford a bad pick and they both nailed their selections this round. Carl getting Avery could very well be the difference in the draft.
ROUND 3-
Pick 11: Whit- Manny Ramirez (MLB)
- Grade- Whit bein’ Whit
Manny comes off as more goofy than a diva. But when Whit dished out some inside info on the inner details of Manny, he was most certainly a diva. This was single handidly this best lobbying anyone has ever done for their own pick in draft history. It was remarkable.
Pick 12: WSD- Johnny Manziel (NFL)
- Grade- Money Sign
Since you don’t get College Station Johnny this pick loses a lot of its pazazz, but I truly don’t think the voters will be able to remove that from the equation. Even though they will see Browns Johnny, they will think Aggies Johnny. So it’s going to end up being a great pick for Dave. NFL Johnny Football was for sure still a diva. He just burned fast and bright.
Pick 13: Carl- Antonio Brown (NFL)
- Grade- If the helmet fits
AB was at one time just an electric WR for the Steelers who returned kicks and out ran every person on the field. Then a flip switched, or he got steamrolled by Vontez Burfect, and he became diva number 1 in the NFL. For a few years stretch AB was the epitome of a diva in the NFL. He was so hateable and such a bad teammate. Every single thing was about AB. Great 4th round value.
Pick 14: Eddie- Ryan Lochte (Misc)
- Grade- Chyea…No.
You have to hit your miscellaneous pick in the draft and Ed belly flopped. There are so many other incredible picks around sports where Lochte wasn’t even close to my board. I don’t think he was successful enough. I don’t think he was relevant enough. His news stories were more annoying because he is an idiot. Sure he loves himself, but this pick, in the third round nonetheless, is a BAD pick.
Pick 15: Chief- Barry Bonds (MLB)
- Grade- Cross Earrings
Barry is a phenomenal baseball pick. A phenomenal 3rd round pick. His attitude and persona just screamed diva. The intentional walks even played into the diva status. Baseball was a tough category and this a moonshot of a pick as Chief is concerned. I think Chiefs first three picks solidify himself on the graphic.
Round 3: Ed may have found himself off the graphic with this pick. It’s a terrible pick. The other 4 picks in this round were strong.
ROUND 4-
Pick 16: Chief- Roberto Luongo (NHL)
- Grade- Goal Against
First NHL pick off the board after Avery and it just does not hit like Avery does. No one was going to. All the power to Chief if he wanted Luongo there but he could have waited until Mr. Irrelevant to make his NHL pick.
Pick 17: Eddie- Jose Canseco (MLB)
- Grade- Juiced
Ed gets one back here but I think it’s too little too late. Canseco is definitely a diva but Eds first round pick and Miscellaneous sank his draft. Not to mention Jose is about to fight Billy Football. Have some loyalty Ed.
Pick 18: Carl- Patrick Reed (Misc.)
- Grade- Par
I don’t know how I feel about this pick. Reed is certainly a hateable scumbag. He is universally hated. He has an arrogance to him. He has a punchable face. I have never thought Diva personally for Patrick Reed but when you do break it down he does fit the bill. We will see how it plays on the graphic. The best miscellaneous off the board so far, but there is another golfer who is clearly the biggest diva in the game.
Pick 19: WSD- Roger Clemens (MLB)
- Grade- Splintered Bat
This pick doesn’t do anything for me. Clemens comes off as way more of a grouch and curmudgeon than a diva. He seemed more angry than arrogant. There’s no sit ups, jewelry, or off field circus with Clemons. Dave was off to a solid start but this wasn’t a good pick.
Pick 20: Whit- Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Misc)
- Grade- Zlatan Loves This Pick
This could very well be the pick of the draft. Zlatan is not only the top diva in the top sport in the world, he could very well be the biggest diva in sports in general. Leaving Zlatan off this list would have been a travesty and obviously its soccer guy Whit who takes him. The only thing Zlatan loves more than scoring goals, is himself. If people appreciate this pick Whit could win the draft.
Round 4- Whit and Carl are the clear favorites after four rounds. Chief is not having a bad draft and WSD is going to have a very strong graphic but they are in the second tier. Ed is off the graphic.
ROUND 5-
Pick 21: Whit- Eric Lindros (NHL)
- Grade- Time for Hardest Shot
I wanted Whit to pander and take Biz here. But he’s a honorably hockey guy and wouldn’t pander. Lindros doesn’t do anything to the overall make up of Whits team. He did once again make a great case for Lindros but it’s a non impact 5th round pick, but Whit may have needed this pick to make one to win this draft.
Pick 22: WSD- Cam Neely (NHL)
- Grade- 2 minute minor
Cam Neely is a known tough guy. I don’t know about him being a diva. Even though NHL is tough, there were better picks here. This solidifies WSD will not be getting my vote or winning the draft.
Pick 23: Carl- Dwight Howard (NBA)
- Grade- Draft Superman
What a 5th round pick here for Carl to round out his team. Dwight had Shaq trajectory and then made one NBA finals and became an insufferable Diva. Kobe hated him so that’s a glaring statement. NBA was so deep and waiting to snag who was available in the 5th round is why Carl has 19 wins and is looking at back to back for his 20th.
Pick 24: Eddie- Danny Heatly (NHL)
- Grade- Toe Pick
The logic was there but Whit immediately shut this pick down. It’s tough trying to pick a diva in front of a guy who actually knows these guys. Ed was in a tough spot here with the NHL and he whiffed on his NHL pick and this whole draft.
Pick 25: Chief- Christiano Ronaldo (Misc)
- Grade- Sexiest Mr. Irrelevant OAT
Chief could have buratta-ed the final pick of the draft here but he actually ripped it upper nineties (footy talk). Ronaldo is going to get Chief votes and adding abouther footballer to the list was a huge blow to Whit getting all the votes from the pitch.
After the re-read, Carl is my winner. I sound like a god damn broken record but there is nothing I can do. I just calls it as I sees it. Carl just builds good fuckin teams. I think Whit had an awesome draft, but KD and Lindros aren’t going to look great on the graphic. Chief also drafted such a solid team, but he just got the second best option in all the categories. He may be able to sneak a win out with depth across the board but I do not see that happening. Burrata-non will not be happy on Wednesday. Dave fizzled out to close the draft. His first three are going to play on the graphic but his final two will lose him the overall vote. Ed has had a tough stretch since his successful Christmas season. He labeled himself Mr. December but has fallen off a cliff in Janurary. He has not been drafting well and Carl is the verge of doubling him up in wins. Ed needs to find his way again. I think he is off the graphic again.
MISSED PICKS:
Serena Williams. She was my number one miscellaneous diva. She is the best female tennis player in the world and she is the biggest diva in the sport. Flashy outfits. On court outbursts. Insufferable quotes. Serena is a true diva.
Bryson Dechambau. Bryson is the new diva on the block but he came in hot. He is the biggest diva on tour. He is trying so hard to be different and winning enough to relevant. Bryson is very hateable right now.
John McEnroe. Johnny Mac was an absolute rage machine. Biggest loose cannon we have seen on a tennis court. He flirts with wild card more than diva but he would have been a great pick.
Dennis Rodman. Rodmans diva-ness was shining during the last dance. Mid-playoff vacations. The hair flare. The sex stories. Rodman was a 90s nba diva.
Deion Sanders. Sanders was so arrogant. So flashy. So cocky. Deion was absolutely a diva. I think he was a big miss in the NFL cat.
Sidney Crosby. I love Sid. I don’t consider him a Diva. Whit wouldn’t pick him but it would have rattled him. Crosby would have played great on the graphic to the haters. Big miss in a thin category.
