The boys from Chicago had Riggsy, the boondoggle king, the resident golf expert at Barstool, the two straight eyes having Harvard grad, and co-host of the number one golf podcast, Fore Play, on for a Golf Shit draft. No categories, no rules, just golf shit. Sounded crazy, but it was PERFECT. Whether it’s with the boys, with pops, for business, maybe with the significant other even, hitting the links for a round of golf is simply the best. Crack a couple cold ones, light up a stogie/heater/El (whatever you prefer) and buzz around the track bombing drives and rolling putts. Hit up the 19th hole for a post round beer. It’s just a top tier day. As soon as the weather started to turn in the northeast I had the golf bag out, organizing the pockets, washing the clubs, cleaning the shoes, just getting fully prepared for the first round of the season. After listening to the draft it was impossible to not get out for a round. Golf Season is here.
Draft Order: 1. Eddie 2. WSD 3. Riggs 4. Carl 5. Chief
Round 1
Pick 1: Eddie, John Daly
Grade- If Only Golf Was 16 Holes
1.1 could have gone a ton of ways. Jon Daly is absolutely one of the correct ways. With no categories, and just kind of a no holds bard draft, JD is an amazing pick. In a buttoned up sport, JD is as loose as they come, and he plays perfectly in this draft. He has had some great interviews with Pat McAfee and seems like an awesome dude. Nice lead off by Ed.
Pick 2: WSD, Green Jacket
Grade- Scratch
One of the coolest and most unique trophies in sports. The ceremony is amazing. It is all very fitting for the game of golf. The feeling of that jacket going on has got to be better than sex for those who have both won the Masters and are sex havers. I don’t know if Dave could have just taken The Masters in general and just snagged the jacket, the song, the azaleas and all, but either way the Green Jacket is a phenomenal pick.
Pick 3: Riggs, Tiger Woods (PVO)
Grade- Fist Bump
PLEASE BE CLEAR ITS POSITIVE VIBES ONLY TIGER STUFF. If Eldrick was available for Riggys you had to assume he was going to be his pick. He is the true golf 1.1 as far as players even though I do stand by the statement that JD was a perfect 1.1 for this style of draft. When Tiger is in a tournament the tournament is infinitely more exciting. There is just an aura and greatness that surrounds him and when he is competing on Sunday it is must watch TV. The entire tour wearing red after his accident just shows what he means to the sport and the players.
Pick 4: Carl, Cart Girl
Grade- Modern Day Angel
Carl going out and getting this pick in the first round is elite drafting. It’s a very deep draft, you’re not limited in anyway get 5 solid picks on your board, however, if you wait and try to take this later but lose out, you are furious. Go and get your man, or woman, that you want and then build from there and that is what Carl did. Hell of first pick.
Pick 5: Chief, “The Boys”
Grade- I Love You, Man
Maybe a little early here, but I fully understand what Chief is going with. Golf with the boys is just the best afternoon. The boys and I started a 2v2 annual match play round 5 years ago and it has become one of the most anticipated days of the year. The boys are pumped for the round, talkin trash the week leading up to it, get there early and hit the range, beers and vitamins all around. A day at the course with the boys could be a Mt. Rushmore day.
Round 1- I just want to play golf really badly right now.
Round 2
Pick 6: Chief, The Ryder Cup
Grade- USA! USA!
Any competition that involves a team USA is incredible. The Ryder Cup is just such a different style tournament than we are used to seeing in the game of golf and it is electric. From the teams forming to the gear to the pairings to the raucous crowds it is a top notch event all around. Great specific tournament to take.
Pick 7: Carl, Golf Trip
Grade- 5x18
4 to 5 days of pure golf ecstasy. A round a day, sometimes mix in 36 if you’re feeling frisky. A rare adult binge week where you drink more than you should, stay up later than you should, and pay for it like hell in the AM. But you wake up, rally, and get to the course to do it all over again. A structured week of golf where you have your tee times, courses and the whole 9 yard all lined up prior to the week is one of the best vacas going. I have 5 rounds and 4 nights in Ocean City lined up for September and I am already thinking about it on a daily basis.
Pick 8: Riggs, Golf Outfits
Grade- Look Good, Play Good.
Looking good when you are going to play golf is literally failing upwards. You can be an absolute hacker, but if you show up to the course looking like a pro, you can trick anyone there that you’re about to go out and shoot the course record that day. Shot a 100? Doesn’t matter if you look like a stud in the pre round pic with boys that’s going to get posted later on. Golf does not have uniforms, only fire flames fits.
Pick 9: WSD, ‘Fresh Cut Grass & Birds Chirping’
Grade- Scratch
This pick is not going to make the best sense for those who didn’t listen to the pod and do not know the quote, but this was WSD’s best explanation of a pick that he may ever have had. The quietness, the imagery and the sounds of a golf course for an early morning round are magical. Some holes might still have some dew on the grass that is glistening from the rising sun. The birds are singing. You have a full 18 in front of you. Dave lobbied for this pick and he sold me.
Pick 10: Eddie, Sound of a Driver Ping
Grade- Explosion Emoji
All time sports sound. It is not just solely the ping either. The ‘woosh’ of the club on the swing prior to the ping off the driver combines together for some golf ASMR. A ball just jumping off of a driver head followed by that ‘ping’ is akin to the crack of the bat, although crack of the bat is the elite noise.
Round 2- I have booked a tee time, joined a Masters pool and watched a Rory driving compilation video in between rounds 1 and 2. Just one of those drafts that gets you absolutely itching for something, and that something is a round of 18.
Round 3
Pick 11: Eddie, Hot Dog at the Turn
Grade- Give Me 2
This pick exemplifies why the randomness of this draft is great. This pick may not make the board if categories get involved and it very well may be the pick of the draft thus far. Getting a dog (or 2) in between 9 and 10 could be considered a Michelin 5 star meal. It is a borderline delicacy. I now need to know how many total hot dogs at the turn I have eaten in my life.
Pick 12: WSD, 19th Hole
Grade- Scratch
Beers on the course are great. The beer when you get back into the clubhouse is next level. Cool down, go over the scorecard, check the scores of whatever sports have started, and wash the round down with an ice cold beer from the bar. I think people play golf just for the 19th hole.
Pick 13: Riggs, ‘Good Bounce’
Grade- Round savers
When you aren’t great at golf, you LIVE for the bad bounce. You lace an iron hard right, thinking your hole is fucked, but then in an instant, its ricochets down the fairway and you can still approach the green. The bad bounces suck, but the good bounces are a shot of life. Nice pick by Riggs.
Pick 14: Carl, Country Clubs
Grade- Some Day
Golf at your local public course is awesome. Golf at a Country Club is a totally different level of awesome. You could stink but you kind of feel like a pro when you’re at a Country Club. Get first class treatment from when you pull into the parking lot. No one makes country club life seem better than Larry David in Curb. I want to belong to one of those country clubs.
Pick 15: Chief, Cigars
Grade- Puff, Puff, Pass
Im a pussy and cigars fuck my stomach up, so I stick to blunts on the course, but I will never turn down a stogie on the course and just suck up and deal with the pit in my stomach. Smoking is so cool, wish it wasn’t awful for you. But still, so cool.
Round 3- I need a hot dog at the turn and a 19th hole beer ASAP.
Round 4
Pick 16: Chief, Take Your Golf Shoes Off
Grade- Refreshing AF
Taking your shoes off post round is a phenomenal feeling. Chief missed big time by not mentioning a fresh pair of socks. If you dont bring a change of socks for when you finish your round you are a bonafide rookie. The removal of the shoes is key, but the extra socks make the move next level. Taking off the socks and exposing your feet to fresh air for a few seconds is bliss.
Pick 17: Carl, Stingers Tee Shots
Grade- Cant Do Them
Wish I could purposely hit a stinger. Can’t do it. It’s awesome to see through. JTs stingers a few weeks ago were just unreal shot to watch play out. The one the hugged the water was absurd. Gotta have some game to have this in your arsenal.
Pick 18: Riggs, New Clubs *FART*
Grade- WHO FARTED
Great pick by Riggs but someone broke loud wind after Riggs picked and stole the show. I know a fart when I hear one and that was a fart. And it’s impossible to not laugh at a fart and Ed couldn’t hold in the giggles and I don’t blame him. Farting is funny. I need this touched on next draft.
Pick 19: WSD, First Legit Birdie
Grade- Scratch
Getting a birdie is the bee knees. I get far more double bogies than I get birdies. But I do not remember my first ever birdie. This is a pick from someone who probably does not play that often, and that doesn’t make it bad, but i just don’t think it’s a pick that will help WSD stay on the poll.
Pick 20: Eddie, Masters Music
Grade- Play it at my funeral
Pure serenity. Peaceful bliss. Id eat a double dose of psychedelics and just throw the master theme on to see where it takes me. Sports theme music is important. The FOX NFL intro. The March Madness theme. The NBA on TNT Theme. You need a strong theme song and the Masters may have the 1.1 of them all.
Round 4- This draft is going to be impossible to pick a winner. I think WSD is falling out of contention but all around everyone has strong boards.
Round 5
Pick 21: Eddie, Calling Phil ‘Lefty’
Grade- Love Lefty
Phil all but monopolizing being a lefty golfer is a legendary move. Theres a lot of left golfers. Guy who swing just like him. Being a lefty is necessarily unique, but being “Lefty” is. It is a all time memorable nickname in sports, not just golf. Plus people LOVE Phil. He is a great person to have on the graphic. Big time wrap around from Ed.
Pick 22: WSD, Roasting Buddies For Not Driving by the Women’s Tees
Grade- Scratch
Pants around the ankles on your way to the ball is very a funny concept, but one that you really can’t get away with at most courses. The idea of this pick is fine for a 5th round pick. I think it fits WSD perfectly. I do not think it wins Dave this draft.
Pick 23: Riggs, Swing Tips
Grade- Always Gettin’ Better
I stink at golf. Inconsistent around the greens, nasty slice off the tee box box. But hell, ill still give you a swing tip that I randomly read somewhere. Sharing swing tips with your buddies means you care. “Hey, how’s the wife? How’s the kids? Also, I started moving the ball back in my stance a bit and it’s really paying off.”
Pick 24: Carl, Going to the Range
Grade- I GOT BLISTERS ON ME FINGERS
There are two types of trips to the range. Top Golf date or event. And the range sesh where you hit 200 balls until your hands look like Andy Bernards while you convince yourself today was the day you figured things out.. Both are completely different, but both are equally great times. Solid value here from Carl.
Pick 25: Chief, Claret Jug
Grade- Tom Watson
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT CHIEF PICKED THAT WAS BLEEPED OUT. Claret Jug is a fine pick, its an iconic trophy, whatever. But Mr. Irrelevant really became irrelevant when there was a pick that couldn’t even be played said before it. Not a veto. A full blown cut out and bleep of a pick. Im leaning ‘Gambling’ because Ed mentioned they just had a meeting about it, but it seemed more serious than that. Chief had a great draft going before this and I think this mix up/followed by Claret Jug may have a big impact on his chances to win.
Almost impossible to pick a winner after this one. Instead of picking a winner I just want to play a round with Carl, Riggs and WSD. Is that too much to ask? I think WSD ends up off the poll. Not because of a bad draft, he had a fine draft, I just think its weaker than the other 4. I love Chiefs first four picks but like Ed, I think a lot of folks wont know the Claret Jug and it will hurt his vote. Riggs has Tiger and will garner vote from the Fore Play fans, but I don’t think his board is worthy of the win. It comes down to Ed and Carl. Carls board plays more to the true golfer, and true golfers love golf, and he will get a lot of votes from that. Eds roster plays to other style of golfer, the leisure golfer, the hacker. He will probably get more of the common man vote. He does have Masters representation and that could prove to be big. I have to see the graphic. Carls 2nd round pick is stronger. Eds 4th round pick is stronger. Carl wins the fifth round. It’s a true toss up. I think I’ll vote Carl, I know I am playing golf tomorrow.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Circle on Score card, Draining a long putt, Masters nap (or any golf of tv nap), “Golf Terms” in general (golf has the best language besides hockey), Air swings, Fore Play.
