Barstools resident impersonator joins the Chicago guys in a “Distinct Voices” draft. Distinct is such an important word to use here. There is something about specifically using distinct that means the voice needs to stand out. It needs a true uniqueness. It needs to be a voice the you hear and there is no question or doubt as to who it is. It doesn’t have to be good or the best. It has to be distinct. I am so pumped for a two draft week and this was a nice lead off to the 1–2. Joey is a great impersonator but he just cant compete with WSD (sarcastic font). Sometimes people know they can’t even come close to an impersonation so they don’t even try it, but not WSD, and that was a nice treat to this draft.
Draft Order: 1. Eddie 2. WSD 3. Chief 4. Carl 5. Joey Mulinaro
Round 1
Pick 1: Eddie, Arnold Schwartzenegger (Actor/Governor/Weight Lifter)
Grade- I Am Cumming Day and Night
Another one of those drafts where you just have no clue where 1.1 is going. Ed wanted first overall so he knew the voice he wanted to be the building block of his team and went and got the Terminator. Just on that movie alone this is a good pick, but Arnold has some other phenomenal sound clips. A literal and figurative strong pick by Ed to lead things off. Get to the choppa.
Pick 2: WSD, Morgan Freeman (Actor/Narrator)
Grade- A(men)
Morgan Freemans voice is so god like he was cast as god. He is absolutely a first round voice and this is a nice start for Dave. WSD’s first round is never the issue though. It’s what he surrounds his first round pick with that leaves him off the polls. Morgan Freeman gives Dave an iconic voice, a well known name and a strong list of movies and voiceovers, lets see what he can do with it.
Pick 3: Chief, James Earl Jones (Actor/Narrator)
Grade- Booming
Just like Freeman, JEJ was a first round voice for me. Where Freeman has more of a calming presence in his voice, JEJ’s is powerful. I personally think gun to head I would pick JEJ over Freeman but as they touched on during the draft,I am not sure how James Earl Jones name is going to translate to the yoots where I think Freemans does. Another draft where Chief Van Gogh will not be appreciated?
Pick 4: Carl, Sean Connery (Actor)
Grade- Suck It Trebek
A very distinct voice, but like JEJ it is going to be interesting to see how this translates to votes. Sean Connery has a one of a kind voice and cadence. Darrell Hammond doing Connery on SNL’s Celebrity Jeopardy is absolute gold and those may be my favorite SNL skits. You know Carl is going to build a well rounded board, he will especially need to around this first round pick.
Pick 5: Joey, Coach Ed Orgeron (CFB Coach)
Grade- GEAUX TIGAS
With some real high profile names coming off the board, Joey went a slightly different route and its going to play just fine. Coach O stormed onto the scene and his cajun accent and charism became a favorite across all of sports. When you see Coach O you just gotta say ‘Geaux Tigas’ or some jumbled mess of words with gumbo mixed in a few times. Coach O has a distinct voice and it’s awesome.
Round 1- I think all 5 of these picks all hold first round value. Connery may be a slight drop off from the first 3 and Coach O is very different from the rest off the board, but all are solid voices to build around.
Round 2
Pick 6: Joey, Frank Sinatra (Musician)
Grade- Fly Me To The Moon
Increible voice. Smooth as silk. Absolutely buttery. Is it second round ‘Distinct’? That may be up for discussion. I think Joey could have gotta Frank at the end of the draft if he wanted him on the squad. He is going to really have to nail his 3/4 wrap around to make up for this. And again, amazing voice, I just think there were better picks for this specific draft here.
Pick 7: Carl, Vin Scully (Announcer)
Grade- I Really Love Baseball
This man announced baseball from 1950 to 2016. 66 years in the booth! The way Vin could set a scene, call a massive moment or tell a trivial story was just remarkable. You want to talk about a calming presence? Vin kept that through the most exciting of moments yet it was able to coexist within the raucousness of a crowd. It was a true art form. Don’t think there was a better voice in baseball to take.
Pick 8: Chief, Matthew Maconaughey (Actor)
Grade- Alright, Alright, Alright
Chief came to play. Macnoaughey was high on my list. Everyone has dropped an alright alright alright at one point. Just the epitome of a cool guy voice. Laid back. A little southern drawl. When you narrate your own audiobook you know you got a hall of fame voice.
Pick 9: WSD, Samuel L. Jackson (Actor)
Grade- HE ATE ME!
This pick is boosted because of the Dave Chappelle skit, but really is not a #9 worth pick. Samuel L. Jackson is very distinct when he goes into character but I dont think overall his voice is super unique. He has really iconic lines and phrases, and in those roles brings out an incredibly distinct voice, but I think there are better picks out there.
Pick 10: Eddie, Mike Tyson (Boxer)
Grade- Spinal
As far as athletes go Iron Mike is the number one most distinct voice. Way higher and gentler than you would ever expect, plus a slight lisp. You know exactly who it is when you hear Tyson talk and there is no question about it.
Round 2- Chiefs pick stands out above the rest of the picks in this round. Carl and Ed made great picks as well but Maconaughy just seems to jump out in this group. Joey and WSD are going to have make up ground.
Round 3
Pick 11: Eddie, News Anchor Voice
Grade- Overthinking
Thank you for tuning in, in today’s news, Eddie Barstool has lost the Dog Walk Draft. Now I get where Ed’s head is at, but he benefits from a veto here and I think the guys realized that and were happy to rescind their vetos. News anchors very much go into character and put a voice on. They absolutely speak in an almost uniform cadence across the country. But there is nothing distinct about the voice itself. This pick my bury Ed this week.
Pick 12: WSD, Sylvester Stallone (Actor)
Grade- Yo, Adrien!
Good pick, even better if Dave goes just Rocky specifically though. Slys voice is unique but when he really lays it on extra thick for Rocky it really captures the ‘distinct’ caveat of this draft. Daves last two picks needed to be better.
Pick 13: Chief, Keith Jackson (Announcer)
Grade- Burrata
Week and week out Chief complains about the graphic but week in and week out Chief makes a draft pick, that no matter how good on paper it is, looks awful on the graphic. Is Keith Jackson an awesome announcer with a great voice? Yes, without a doubt. Does Keith Jackson make the list of TOP 25 MOST DISTINCT VOICES OF ALL TIME? No sir, no he doesn’t. There is very much a middle ground of drafting with your heart and not completely punt a spot on your draft board and Chief cant find it.
Pick 14: Carl, Lou Holtz (Coach/Announcer)
Grade- Gibberish
Carl had the impersonation ready to roll and nailed it. I don’t know if Lou Holtz has a lisp, slurs his words, or has an extra large tongue, but that is a one of a kind voice. The difference between Kieth Jackson and Lou Holtz in the third round is why Carl wins drafts and Chief complains.
Pick 15: Joey, Yoda (Stars Wars)
Grade- A+ Pick This Is
Joey keeps hitting on the word distinct when he’s making his picks and to his point, that is the basis of this draft. Yoda is about as distinct as it can be and I for one second do not believe WSD does not know what Yoda sounds like. Yoda’s voice and way of saying things has transcended Star Wars, it is pop culture. Yoda in the third round is unreal value and grabs a huge cult fan vote.
Round 3- Lou Holts video have had me in stitches, the funniest pick of the draft thus far. Joey gets right back into the thick of things with Yoda. Chief and Ed trade blows for worst picks of the drafts through 3 rounds.
Round 4
Pick 16: Joey, EA Sports Voice
Grade- It’s In The Game
Joey needed a near perfect wrap around to make up for a weak 2nd round pick and oh boy did he do it. Yoda followed by the EA Sports is just a powerhouse wrap around. I can close my eyes and hear the EA Sports slogan come on as if I was starting up Madden 2001 with Eddie George on the cover. Joey is very much in this draft after 4 rounds.
Pick 17: Carl, Don LaFontaine (Movie Trailer Guy)
Grade- Too Deep
Distinct? Yup. Iconic? Yup. Will it play? Probably not. Especially since Carl was calling him Dan and i’m almost positive his name is Don. You take an unknown guy and you kind of have to get his name right. Or do you? Either way, I think this pick is a stretch and there were other ways to go. Carls is going to wish he took Attenborough here instead.
Pick 18: Chief, Liev Schreiber (Actor/Narrator)
Grade- Cold Autumn Wind
Love Liev Schreiber the actor. Love Liev Schriber the narrator. I love Liev Schreiber’s voice. Will people know that Liev Schreiber is the voice that does Hard Knocks? I’m not sure. People are idiots. I also think that reflects on the distinctness. His voice over voice is much different than his sitting voice and that makes it tough to get fully behind when this is a deep draft. Fine pick, but like Carls pick this round, Attenborough plays much better here.
Pick 19: WSD, Snoop Dogg (Rapper)
Grade- Puff. Puff. A+.
Dave is putting together quite a draft so far. If Samuel L. ends up being his worst pick he could very well contend for this draft. Snoop in the 4th round is one of the best picks of the draft so far. His permanently high, pillow soft voice is one of most distinct in the game. Snoop narrating things became a very popular trend and I was not mad about it one bit. I hope Dave nails his 5th round pick as whale.
Pick 20: Eddie, Christopher Walken (Actor)
Grade- I GOT A FEVER!
WOW. What a ridiculous back to back to close out the 4th round. I thought WSDs Snoop pick was great, I may like this Walken pick even better. Doing Walken impressions became so much of a thing that Walken almost sounds like he’s impersonating himself.
Round 4- Some incredibly strong picks in this 4th round. Joey let off with an absolute home run of a pick and WSD and Ed closed the round with two of the best picks of the draft.
Round 5
Pick 21: Eddie, Gilbert Godfried (Actor/Voice Over)
Grade- Ear Piercing
If Ed had drafted anyone else in the 3rd round he may have been a run away to win this draft. Getting Walken and Godfried back to back to end the draft is impressive. His first two picks and final two picks are so good that he could realistically win even with News Anchor Voice.
Pick 22: WSD, The Joker (The Dark Knight)
Grade- Here. We. Go.
Heath Ledgers Joker specifically, and thats what makes this a solid final pick. The Joker is the Dark Knight absolutely has a profound uniqueness to it and has become larger than life across the scope of other superhero villains. It has such a level of insanity that Ledger somehow (kinda know how) put into it that even the best versions of it do not do it justice.
Pick 23: Chief, Donald Trump (Business Man/Reality TV/President)
Grade- Ya Fired.
This is an awesome pick but say it with your chest Chief! It’s madness if Donald Trump is treated like Voldorment and is in ‘he who shall not be named’ territory. Sure he hated passionately, polarizing, and a genuinely bad guy. But you can say his name on a podcast and draft him with absolute vindication in a distinct voice draft because he has a wildly distinct voice.
Pick 24: Carl, Freddie Mercury (Queen)
Grade- Range
Freddie Mercury is well known for his surreal range of vocals and for his unique ability to hit different vibratos with his vocal chords. Freddie Mercury’s one of rock and rolls most iconic voices and a solid way to wrap up a good draft from Carl. I think he is going to be hurt by Don Lafontaine.
Pick 25(Mr. Irrelevant): Joey, Louie Armstrong (Musician)
Grade- Wonderful
Anytime I hear a Louie Armstrong strong I am amazed about how his voice sounds. I think if Joey gets better value in the second round and saves his only musician for here with Louie his draft board looks totally different. Louie is an awesome Mr. Irrelevant that Joey needed to give himself a shot at winning.
This is one of the more even drafts across the board after all 25 picks were said and done. There is not a list of voices that jumps out as the winner. There is not a guy who is clearly off the poll. All 5 guys drafted some all time voices that perfectly align with the ‘distinct’ description of this draft and all 5 guys had a pick I think they wish they could have back. Ed has a clear winner without New Anchor. WSD needed better than Samuel L. Keith Jackson is not going to move the needle for Chief. Carl drafted a guy and called him by the wrong name. Joey wishes he could re-do his second round. Lou Holtz and The EA Sports guy were my two favorite picks. I think Chief won the opening two rounds with JEJ and Maconaughey so that says something. Ed won the final 2 rounds with Walken and Godfried. Im am leaning Ed but really hate the news anchor pick. We will still what the graphic has in store. Viva.
