Super Bowl Week is upon us. The last bite of the football sammich. There is nothing like Super Bowl Sunday, whether your team is in it or not. Super Bowl Sunday just hits different. It was no surprise the boys would be tackling a Super Bowl theme draft, and adding the resident Bucs fan Steven Cheah into the mix was fitting with his team gearing up for the big game. Shoutout to Cheah for drafting through a stolen lunch before the draft. You’re a skell if society if you take a person’s lunch out of the work fridge, let alone someone who is on the TB12 diet. Just a diabolical move. Cheah persevered and had himself a solid showing though. Cowboy, formally known as White Sox Dave was coming off an Emmy award winning performance in the first ep of Surviving Barstool….before getting eliminated on the first vote. Dave was clearly feeling the fatigue from the show for this draft. Or maybe it’s just his abysmal 3.25 True All Time Draft score (courtesy of @Richie_Weber1) showing. Carl is just a draft king and that’s why he stepped out of his comfort zone and chose 1st overall for this specific draft. Ed continues to slump. And Chief needs to be saved from BuratANON.
Draft Categories/My Personal #1s:
-Game - Halftime Show -Quarterback -Coach -Appetizer
-Super Bowl XXXIV -Tom Petty -Tom Brady -Bill Belichick -Pepperoni Roll
Draft Order:
1- Carl 2- White Sox Dave 3-Steven Cheah 4-Eddie 5- Chief
Round 1:
Pick 1: Carl, Tom Brady (QB)
Grade- GOAT
Brady didn’t even need to be playing in this Super Bowl to be picked 1.1. I get that Belichick is also there, but QBs are the bell of the ball in the NFL and Brady is the GOAT. 10 appearances and 6 wins. Holder of an endless list of Super Bowl Records. Carl is not usually one to draft 1st overall but certain drafts call for it, this one did.
Pick 2: WSD, Bill Belichick (Coach)
Grade- Onto round 2
Brady was 1, Bill going to be 2. He is the best coach in NFL history who created a culture in New England that put them in the AFC Championship or Super Bowl year after year. There is no other number 2 pick here. Cowboy wasn’t feeling Surviving Barstool effects to start off the draft.
Pick 3: Steven Cheah, Joe Montana (QB)
Grade- Overthrow
Montana is the clear second QB off the board, but I just do not like him at 3rd overall. HIs Super Bowl resume speaks for itself, but in this spot I am taking something else and hoping Montana falls to me in the 2nd round. Whether it’s Montana or not I do not want to share the first round with Tom Brady.
Pick 4: Eddie, Buffalo Chicken Wing Dip (App)
Grade- Red Hot
This is the top pick for Super Bowl appetizers and what I was expecting to see go 3rd. I do think Buff Chix Dip had a moment where it became old hat. Where it was EVERY party or get together that was it was being made. But on Super Bowl Sunday that is the first app on the menu. It’s probably the first dip that is getting finished. I think after Brady and Belicheck the board opens up tremendously, and Buff Chix Dip was going to be the next best thing to build your team around.
Pick 5: Chief, John Elway (QB)
Grade- Burattanonsense.
BuratANON has fully brainwashed Chief. Chiefs band of yes-men have him convinced he is a good drafter and is up against the odds every week, when in reality, Chief just isn’t great at drafting, and thats OKAY. From what Ed said, Chief had the option to choose what pick he wanted first. I don’t think 1st is always a great position but in this draft it most certainly was the best spot to be in. Chief passing to 5th was the first mistake of the draft, he quickly followed it up with mistake number two here.
Round 1- 1 and 2 were completely chalk. Ed has to be pumped he got BCD at the 4 spot. Cheah’s pick is obviously great. I just don’t think it was the best of strategies. Elway in the first round I still can’t grasp.
Round 2:
Pick 6: Chief, Super Bowl XXXIV:Titans v. Rams (Game)
Grade- Not a stretch
Great pick here by Chief to lead off the second, it’ll take 4 more of these to bounce back from Elway though. This Super Bowl was the first ever super bowl party I had hosted as a young boy. Just slurping down Jell-o Jigglers and soda pop with the boys in the basement. Living and dying for the King Size candy bar prizes for the box numbers. One of those games, because of the game itself and the way in which you watched, comes together to form a great memory.
Pick 7: Eddie, Super Bowl XX: Bears v. Pats (Game)
Grade- -36
There’s always going to be some Chicago homer picks in these drafts, no duh. This was not the time to do it. I fully understand what the win may mean to Ed but this game stunk out loud as far as Super Bowls goes. I think it is such a lopsided game that Ed doesn’t even get the pander vote he was hoping for. You need to pick and choose when you pander, this was a fail.
Pick 8: Steven Cheah, Prince (Halftime Show)
Grade- BLOUSES
Regarded as one of the best halftime shows of all time this was a good pick from Cheah. Purple Rain in the pouring rain was just iconic. Prince is a showman. Montana and Prince are a good start here for the draft guest. After this pick Prince made Steven Cheah pancakes.
Pick 9: WSD, Super Bowl XLII: Giants v. Pats (Game)
Grade- C
The grade isn’t for the game itself, it was an awesome game. The helmet catch. The Patriots missed out on the perfect season. Hell of a super bowl. But Chief already has a better game drafted this round and I think it is too early to go games anyways. There are other thinner categories and I don’t think this game does anything to separate itself a huge amount from others. It’s even in question if this is the best of Eli’s wins.
Pick 10: Carl, Chuck Knoll (Coach)
Grade- In the 70s
The grade should be better honestly, but it played. Knoll is 4–0 in Super Bowl appearances and went back to back twice. If Knoll is from a different era he gets ridiculous love. He is by far the second best Super Bowl Coach on the list but Carl is putting his faith that the voters will know their shit.
Round 2- Chief had much needed bounce back while Ed missed big time here and it’s a shame he didn’t follow up Buffalo Chicken Dip better. There really isn’t much separating Carl, WSD and Cheah after two rounds.
Round 3:
Pick 11: Carl, Pigs in a Blanket (App)
Grade- SWISH
Pigs in a Blanket don’t come out too much outside of the Super Bowl and football season. Sprinkle some everything bagel seasoning over them, put out some dipping sauces and those puppies are flying off the plate. If you don’t get your hands on a couple PIBs before halftime you will be missing out. After Chicken Wing Dip and Pigs in a Blanket there isn’t another specific app that jumps off the page like these two. Very savvy for Carl to get it before his long wait until the 4th round.
Pick 12: WSD, Chicken Wings (App)
Grade- Not crispy
Chicken Wings and football are synonymous. 20 weeks of football they reign king. But for some reason, on Super Bowl Sunday, the biggest game of the year, wings take a back seat. They are just not a top super bowl party food. I think they are still going to play for Dave since like I said, football and wings are like lamb and tuna fish. This is a scold of the club that ends up rolling 60 to the green.
Pick 13: Steven Cheah, Super Bowl XLIII: Steelers v. Cards (Game)
Grade- B
This is a good pick for Cheah who has built a strong team through 3 rounds. I really want Fitz to get his ring here, and you saw how bad he wanted it with his chase down tackle after the redzone interception in the first half. The back corner catch is an all time catch and all time play. Steven hasn’t let his lunch being stolen on draft day affect him too much yet.
Pick 14: Eddie, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Halftime Show)
Grade- Runnin’ Down A Dream
Love Tom Petty. My personal favorite halftime performance. Ed needed this pick to recover from his best game pick. I still think that game is going to haunt him after all is said and done.
Pick 15: Chief, Aerosmith, Spears, Nelly & NSYNC (Halftime Show)
Grade- Go to a festival
This is a great show. A huge line up for that time. But I feel like the best performances are when it’s a band or one or two musicians are working the stage together. When you’re adding name after name its a bit of an overkill and none of them actually get to shine.
Round 3- Carl wins round 3 with his appetizer pick here. WSD has gotten worse off as the rounds go on. Cheah is building a team that can give guests back to back wins. Chief for the 3rd draft in a row messes up diversifying the rounds and gets an inferior performance directly behind Eds when he could have waited to lead off the 4th round with it.
Round 4:
Pick 16: Chief, Queso Dip (App)
Grade- Spicy
This isn’t a standard Super Bowl Party dip in my eyes, but that doesnt mean its not an awesome dip. Queso is delicious, even better if they provide different accoutrement to dip into it. I don’t think it looks great on a super bowl board though. I think Taco Dip and Spinach Artichoke Dip before I think Queso when discussing football dips.
Pick 17: Eddie, Eli Manning (QB)
Grade- ELIte
Eli is a fringe QB when you’re making a list of top 5 Super Bowl QBs. He is probably the worst quarterback in the bunch that has had great super bowl success. But I think Eli helps on the graphic in a huge way and Eddie even admitted it. Eli will get a huge vote from Giants fans and Patriots haters alike. Plus Eli is just as likeable as they come. Great 4th round pick by Ed.
Pick 18: Steven Cheah, Vince Lombardi (Coach)
Grade- You get a trophy
He may not have the most super bowls. He may have won his 2 when the league was brand new and totally different. But when you have a category specifically for Super Bowl coaches, the guy who the damn trophy is named after HAS to come off the list. You play to hoist the Lombardi Trophy. This is amazing value in the 4th round.
Pick 19: WSD, Katy Perry (Halftime Show)
Grade- Left Shark
This was a memorable performance. It had a great showing on the internet. However, it wasn’t really about the music itself. Social Media made this show popular, but it isn’t necessarily a top halftime show when you are trying to narrow it down to the top 5 to choose from.
Pick 20: Carl, JT & Janet Jackson (Halftime Show)
Grade- Some great NY Boobs!
I can’t believe this dropped to the 4th round. I may have just spoke on how Katy Perry’s may have been so popular because of outside factors, and the same sentiment does ring true for this as well, but for many different reasons. Janet’s nip slip lives on in Super Bowl Halftime lore and will forever. It is an ICONIC moment in Super Bowl Halftime show history. Letting Carl get this in the 4th round is a mistake here if anyone besides Cheah wanted to win,
Round 4- Eddie drafting Eli was a smart move. Carl and Cheah got awesome value. Fine picks from Chief and Dave but nothing that moves them up the rankings.
Round 5:
Pick 21: Carl, Super Bowl XXVI: Rams v. Pats (Game)
Grade- Game Winner
The birth of the Brady dynasty. One of the most memorable kicks in football history. SuperDome games seem to hit differently. I think waiting for the 5th round to take a game was a veteran move. Find a flaw in Carl’s draft, you can’t.
Pick 22: WSD, Pat Mahomes (QB)
Grade- Jackson Mahomes
I believe this was the first ever future draft pick. Mahomes may very well end up winning multiple Super Bowls. He is as electric as they come and has the opportunity to already place himself among the greats this sunday, but this pick stinks in terms of this draft. Dave spent a few days in NYC, bought some Dogecoin and thought he became smarter than everyone else. He did not.
Pick 23: Steven Cheah, Party Sub (App)
Grade- Underrated
Cheah wanted Pizza for this pick. I saw it coming when he was building it up, and I think it was absolutely worth a try to get a 5th round steal, but it was vetoed pretty quickly. I think he bounced back with a great pick thought. I love a good mixed party sub. Some red onion, oil and vinegar. It isn’t going to wow people but I think for saving the app for the 5th round, this is another good late round value pick from Steve.
Pick 24: Eddie, Jimmy Johnson (Coach)
Grade- Flaccid
2–0 in the Super Bowl is nothing to scoff at. But Jimmy Johnson just isn’t the best available. And I love Jimmy. Great personality, awesome quotes. When John Madden, Joe Gibbs and Bill Walsh are still available for Super Bowl Coaches though, I don’t know how you go a different route.
Pick 25 Mr. Irrelevant : Chief, Marv Levy (Coach)
Grade- 0–4
Yikes. I love Buffalo and I have nothing bad to say about Marv Levy. There is just no defending picking a coach who has not won a Super Bowl and lost 4 of them in a draft where you are picking best Super Bowl Coaches. This is on the big board for worst dog walk draft picks of all time.
Round 5- Carl and Steven Cheah solidified themselves as the top two teams coming out of this draft. The other 3 picks in this round I think were made by guys who didn’t think they could win this draft, and now I really don’t think anyone of them will, even though I do think Eddie had 3 really good picks.
After Ed read the final rosters, my gut, naturally, went with Carl. It’s my 5th breakdown and I think I’ve picked Carl 4 times. I don’t want to pick Carl every time, but I just pick the guy who built the best team after all the dust settles. I do think Steven Cheah had a really strong draft, but he has a lesser QB, Coach and Appetizer than Carl. Dave had the opportunity to build a good team around the Hoodie but he took a game too early and then fell apart after that. Eddie can be a dark horse if the Eli faithful come through for him, but his game and coach just aren’t quality enough to win. Chief may have my favorite game on his list but that Marv Levy pick takes him off the poll. I just don’t see how a coach with an 0–4 record gets considered for this draft and that is the determining factor to be the odd man out.
Honorable mentions:
Appetizer- Pepperoni Roll. I don’t know if this is more of a NY thing, but its the best app on the table hands down.
QB- Troy Aikman. 3 Super Bowl win when the Cowboys actually were Americas team
Terry Bradshaw- Not a sexy pick but 4 rings is 4 rings.
Coach- Joe Gibbs. 3 Super Bowl wins. The Hogs. Joe Gibbs was Washington Football.
Bill Parcels. His name plays so much better than Jimmy Johnson and Mr. Irrelevant.
Halftime Show: Bruno Mars- HE WAS ELECTRIC.
Bruce- They may have been past they’re prime but Bruce and the E-street band put on a show.
