365 days. There are bound to be some bad ones. Some days are significantly worse than others though. Some days you can’t escape. You can’t run from them. Sure, you don’t have to drink yourself silly over a long holiday. You don’t need to stuff your face with an exorbitant amount of food over the course of a few days and hate yourself when it’s over. You don’t have to have fun when the prospect of a shitty day to follow is what is a head. Or do you? What else are those holidays, those long weekends, those parties for? You are not thinking of future you during them. You are living in the moment, enjoying life, celebrating things worth having a celebration for. It is inevitable that reality will strike though, and when it does it jelly legs you like a 12–6 curve even though you were looking for it. There are all sorts of days where you wake up feeling extra terrible, and the Barstool Chicago guys and the Nostradomus of negativity himself, KFC, were commiserating about them all.
Draft Order
1- KFC 2- Eddie 3- Carl 4- Chief 5- WSD
ROUND 1-
Pick 1: KFC, Day After New Years
Grade- Y2-KYS
Just a terrible day. The holiday season comes to a crashing halt. Christmas time is the absolute best, sometimes you don’t have to work in between Xmas and NYE and your break carries right over into the New Year. It’s been long enough where you kind of got out of your routine. The weather is brutal. You are a fat fuck. And you now have to work with no hope in sight for months. LIterally KYS.
Pick 2: Eddie, Super Bowl Monday
Grade- Tuddie
The argument for this to be a holiday has been around for as long as i can remember. I wrote a paper about it in 6th grade. It is ridiculous that there is normal life following super bowl Sunday. All anyone wants to do is eat finger foods until they feel like they are going to pop and get a little more drunk than usual, but the fact Monday is staring you in the face during it is such a black cloud. There is also no normal shitting on super bowl Monday so going into the office is a problem. It’s the reason this draft was happening. Great pick.
Pick 3: Carl, First Day of School
Grade- Missed the Bus
This comes off as a good pick, until Chief swoops in with his next pick. The end of summer does suck. No one wants to go back to school. The first day of school is maybe the second best day of school besides the last though. You are putting on your best fit that you picked out at the mall along with some fresh kicks. The ladies are looking fine. There is no learning to be done just yet. The halls are sparkling clean. The first day of school isn’t actually bad and Carl will be drafting himself out of a hole with this pick.
Pick 4: Chief, Second Day of School
Grade- A+
No one saw this coming. I don’t even know if BuratANON could have drawn this one up. But Chief just dunked on Carl with this pick. Outsmarted the best drafter in Chicago. This day is infinitely worse than day 1 of school. You actually have to pay attention in class. Probably put on mesh shorts and an AND1 tee shirt and are sleep walking through the day. What a start to the draft for Chief.
Pick 5: WSD, Sunday before going back to work after New Years
Grade- F
Dave just drafted a Sunday in the first round of a worst days of the year draft. A SUNDAY. I can’t even fathom building my draft board and having a SUNDAY as your first overall pick. Even more so when KFC already drafted this Monday first overall. Just a baffling pick. Dave is already off of the graphic. Sunday Scaries happen every Sunday. Some may be worse than others but none are worse than actually working Monday.
Round 1- Maybe the best pick Chief has ever made in draft history. It took balls to take it following Carls pick but Chief stuck to his guns and I think it could be the difference in the draft. KFC and Ed let off with two solid picks. Carl has work to do. I still cant get over how bad WSD’s pick was.
ROUND 2-
Pick 6: WSD, Day When Baseball is Over
Grade- 77mph fastball
This is a niched pick. It’s not the best of the baseball niche though. The off day after opening day is such a shit baseball day. Baseball actually ends in the thick of football and NBA, NHL, NCAAB are just starting so there is so much to get you over the end of the season. I love baseball, it sucks when it ends, but this is not a good follow up to WSD terrible first pick.
Pick 7: Chief, Daylight Savings
Grade- Bright Sunny Morning
Chief is off to a hot start. That first day where it is dark in the morning and pitch black at like 4:30pm is just beyond depressing. It is the start of sunlight not existing for what feels like months, which literally happens in parts of the world. Awesome first two rounds, im sure Chief will not be RTing his minions all day on twitter.
Pick 8: Carl, Tuesday After Labor Day
Grade- Back to Work
The official end of summer. This was a good pick and then Carl started talking about ancient human harvest rituals and started wondering why this didn’t get taken first overall. I don’t know what it really meant but man was it a sell.
Pick 9: Eddie, Monday After Thanksgiving
Grade- Leftovers are all gone
You packed it in all week before Thanksgiving. You have been eating and drinking yourself into bolivian. You now have Christmas on the mind. If you went back home you just had an awful Sunday night drive back to your place. It is a DREAD going back to work on this Monday. Great second round value.
Pick 10: KFC, Black Friday
Grade- No Deals Here
Having to go into work the day after thanksgiving if you are not an essential walker means you are owned by your company. That day means NOTHING and companies that send employees into the office that day are the worst. You do not get to fully enjoy Thanksgiving when you have work on Friday. This was a unique pick and does not lose any punch even though it follows Eds Thanksgiving pick.
Round 2- Chief, Ed and KFC are off to awesome starts after two rounds. Both pick from each of them are really strong, Carl got back into the mix with Labor Day but is still a step behind those 3. WSD didn’t do anything to help himself out and is still off the graphic.
ROUND 3-
Pick 11: KFC, The Day Your Team Is Eliminated From Postseason
Grade- I’ve Never Felt This
This day is like a day following a funeral. You don’t want to exist. You don’t want to talk to anyone. Don’t want to listen to your normal radio. It almost stings even more when you are the fan of shit sports teams. The wrap around here for the 1st overall pick is essential and Kev nailed it.
Pick 12: Eddie, Day After 4th of July
Grade- Roman(swipes) Candle
4th of July is a staple summer weekend. Usually you go a little harder than normal. If you’re older it brings you back to those summer nights when you had no worries. Then Monday comes around and it midas whale not even be summer anymore. You’re back in the cube. You’re roasted like a lobster. The draft is starting to thin out and this is a nice big name big from Ed in the 3rd round.
Pick 13: Carl, Valentines Day
Grade- Be Mine
In a draft dominated by “day after” picks Carl goes somewhat out of the box and takes an actual holiday. It is a different pick from all of the other picks going off the board so I think it is going to stand out big time. There is rarely a V-Day that’s a win. Whether you are single, in a relationship, or dont know what you’re in, it is a shitty day. It’s forced, it’s disingenuous, it’s a bad day. This pick seemed to hit Chief right at home.
Pick 14: Chief, Tuesday after Memorial Day
Grade- Cold
Memorial Day on the east coast is still pretty cold, as KFC touches on, some Memorial Day weekend can kind of be underwhelming if the weather doesn’t play. And since global warming is fiction according to White Sox Dave, it’s more likely than not that it’s going to be cold. It gives you a short week the following week to get to the next weekend. This isn’t the strongest of long weekend picks, but does not derail Chiefs solid draft in any way.
Pick 15: WSD, Birthdays After 30
Grade- WSD’s candles are blown out
I have never been a birthday guy so I can see WSD’s line of thought, which I hate to admit. Some people go nuts for their birthdays no matter how old they are though, so I think Dave loses a lot of people here. Dave needs to wow people in the final 3 rounds and this pick doesn’t do it.
Round 3- This is a four horse race. KFC, Eddie, Chief and Carl continue to have strong drafts through three rounds. I thought the third round would separate someone, but if anything these 4 all got even more neck and neck. WSD may be unanimously off the graphic besides his burner account vote.
ROUND 4-
Pick 16: WSD, Monday After St. Patricks Day Weekends
Grade- Irish Car Bomb this draft
There is definitely some heavy sunday drinking to be done here, I think you know what you’re getting into. It doesn’t have that long weekend or holiday sting. It is not a fun Monday by any means, St. Patricks day will play on the graphic, but its not a great pick.
Pick 17: Chief, Mile Day
Grade- Broke 10 minutes
Did Chief just win the draft? What a god damn pick. This day SUCKED so bad. Sweaty as all hell for the rest of the day. This kind of pick in the 4th round wins people drafts and Chief has already had a very strong draft. Chief has the best two picks of the draft.
Pick 18: Carl, Moving Day
Grade- Pack It Up
Moving is the worst. Just a nonstop day of picking things up and putting them down. New place is a mess. This pick is borderline in terms of this draft though. Some people don’t move every year. Some people live in their house or apartments for many years in a row. Its a shitty day, but not a great pick. Carls story following may earn him some sympathy picks.
Pick 19: Eddie, New Years Eve
Grade- New Year, New Ed
Similar to Carls Valentines Day pick and just as strong. Its another forced day. It seems like you gotta blow it out but you really do not want to. Just had a fun week during the holidays and would rather just chill out before reality hits in a day or two.
Pick 20: KFC, Monday After NCAA Opening Weekend
Grade- Green Marker
Arguably the best 4 day stretch in sports. That Thursday to Sunday is what dreams are made of. It is the best. When Monday hits you literally forget how to function. All you know how to do is read a bracket. You have to learn to walk again.
Round 4- Chiefs pick very well could win him the draft but KFC and Ed are having a hell of a draft too. I don’t think anyone in that group of three has a better draft than the others. Carls pick take him out of contention for this draft. I dont remember WSD picks at this point.
ROUND 5-
Pick 21: KFC, Tax Day
Grade- W2-KYS
Fuck taxes. Whether you are paying or receiving a return they suck. The process, the idea of them, the government. It all is trash. This is a 5th round steal. The Nostradomous of Negativity came to play this draft.
Pick 22: Eddie, ESPYs Day
Grade- Red Ed Carpet
This is the peak of the dog days of summer. The HR Derby and All Star game do all they can to hold you over until play resumes, but that one night where there is literally nothing but the insufferable ESPYs is a stand alone evening that sticks out for its suck. Naming it ESPYs Day is a great call too. Ed got awesome value here and had a nice draft.
Pick 23: Carl, First Bad Snow of the Year
Grade- Buried
This first big snow fall is way worse than the first nice covering of snow. Gotta shovel the deck, the side walks, clear the cars, make an area so the dog can shit. This is a good 5th round pick but I think Carls out of contention.
Pick 24: Chief, Day After NBA Finals
Grade- Dog Days
I don’t know if people will respect this pick. Baseball fans will argue it but I think baseball fans even understand the stretch in the summer where its just baseball and thats it. When you get night after night of NBA playoffs and Stanley Cup games along with baseball, then the rug gets pulled out from underneath you and its just baseball every night. If your team sucsk this sucks even more. Great 5th round pick from Chief.
Pick 25: WSD, Monday After Spring Break
Grade- Lost passport
In high school baseball went through spring break so WSD should know that. Never got to go on spring break vacas, varsity played a tournament in Myrtle Beach and JV was practicing in the gym. Going back to classes in college is different. Dave was lost from round 1, he never found it.
KFC, Chief and Ed never waiver over the 5 rounds. I was waiting for one of them to really sway me in their direction and it never happened. They each had a phenomenal draft in their own right and I think they are going to make for an exciting split of the vote on the poll. Carl can’t win them all. He didn’t have a bad draft by any means but I just don’t think he built a roster that hangs with those 3. WSD is going to garner a majority share of the votes to be left off. It was a bad draft from start to finish for him. I usually have a prediction after the draft and know who I am going to vote for, but I simply don’t. I need to see the graphic. I need to mull on the picks.
Ed suggesting KFC and WSD simultaneously shoot themselves in a misery pact was absolutely hilarious. I couldn’t finish without saying that.
Honorable mentions:
Off Day after your teams opening day game: This might be the worst day in baseball. The day 2 off day that splits apart game 1 and 2 of the season. You wait months for baseball and after 1 gam you need to wait another night. It is brutal and dumb.
Monday after Bachelor Party: this may be in veto territory but it’s a bad Monday. You went on bender. Did some things you regret. The post bachelor party stink is real.
