There are certain things that you just have to take a great big whiff of when you come across them. Just really huff it down. Turn to the side and exhale through your mouth, insert your nose, and inhale like it was the last breathe you’ll ever take. Close your eyes and let it take you away to a special place. No, no, no, i’m not talking about a paper bag of spray paint or some under the sink cleaning supply mixture that will send you to Jupiter. I’m talking about titalizing scents that arouse your nasal cavity so much that a simple sniff just doesn’t suffice. The only way you can truly appreciate these glorious scents are to suck it in down to the toes like a browned out heater outside of the bar at 2am. So here they are, the best things to huff.
Freshly Opened Sleeve of Tennis Balls:
I do not know what this scent even is. It is so unique that it is simply its own scent. I think the reason I try to play tennis regularly is solely on the fact you open a fresh can of balls each time you play. Sure ripping the occasional ace feels great. Maybe you actually execute a worthy drop shot and you’re feeling like Fed for a hot second. But there is no better moment on the tennis court when you peel back that aluminum top, hear the pressure release, and stick your schnoz directly into the tin to get some of that precious aroma. Even if you’re not the one who got to directly open the can you have to still go in for seconds and get some of the residual metal/fabricy air. I just ordered 3 sleeves of Penn’s and its the middle of the winter. I just need my fix.
Your Dog’s Fur:
Press your face right up into that coat and take a deep breath. Sniffing hot spots on dogs are as follows; in no particular order, right on their head just above in between their eyes, side neck scruff, ears, broad side of torso and of course, maybe my favorite spot, the paws. Depending how they’re laying or how they’re greeting you you just gotta pick your spots but if you’re not taking some XL inhales of your puppers furr your dog probably likes someone else better than you.
Empty Bag of Coffee:
Now the freshly opened bag of coffee is an amazing smell, but an entirely different smell. A freshly opened bag fills a room with a rich scent. You don’t need to be near the bag to get in on the action. But there is something different when you get down to the bottom of the bag, flick out the final grounds or beans, and all that’s left is the foil lined inside of the bag with some leftover coffee debris stuck around it. You get a deep coffee smell but there is something about that lining getting into the mix that takes the smell to the next level. You don’t even need your morning cup of joe after taking a deep inhale of the bottom of the bag, you can just head straight to the toilet.
Your Own Fart:
Let me be clear, this is YOUR OWN FART. Another person’s fart you waft like a fine wine. You cannot be to reckless with another man’s gas. You need to ease your way in, let the scent come to you and get a feel for what your buddies are brewing that day and whether or not you can coexist with it or need to move across the room. Your own farts though? If you aren’t huffing those in you aren’t living. Break wind. Pause. Then sniff like Rick James leaning over a coffee table. Your own farts smell great and you gots to appreciates them. Fart in bed? Dive under those covers and see what’s happening down there. Fart in the car? Windows up or turn the AC off for a second. I mean this is all dependent on the company you’re with but if you don’t know fart decorum that is a whole different blog in itself.
Magic Marker:
Okay this one kind of walks the line a little bit but its not very often I’m popping open a nice thick black sharpie so when I do i’m going to give it a pull. It flirts just enough with toxic while it still remains so enjoyable. Nothing happens after just one toke of a magic marker either. If you take a hit of a fresh extra wide Sharpie one day and end up getting caught stealing a couple gallons of deck cleaner from Home Depot a few months later that’s on you, not the marker.
Honorable Mentions:
Bag Of Fast Food: Just a bag of grease. Your whole order is still inside and before stuff your face like a fat piece of shit you just breathe it all in. You don’t want to just clog your arteries, you want to clog your pores.
Fresh Zip: IYKYK
Indoor Pool: Just another thing that you don’t come across very often but when you walk inside the room with an indoor pool you are just hit with a very specific pool smell. You don’t know if you like it or not but you still breathe it in.
Gasoline: Okay this one you shouldn’t huff in but gas smells good.
Follow on Twitter @ScotchB
